When You’re Made To Feel Unwanted, Leave And Never Turn Back

Feeling unwanted is a terrible feeling. It gives you that sinking feeling in your gut and frankly runs you down. When you feel unwanted, you do have a few choices to make: stay and continue to feel unwanted, or leave and never turn back. The choice is up to you.
If you choose to leave because you feel unwanted, you have taken the first step in reclaiming your value and your self-worth. But let’s be honest here, it is easier said than done. However, it can be done. Leaving someone, no matter how much you love them, is a difficult thing to do. When you feel unwanted, it can even be mind boggling when you’re deciding it’s time to leave. Here are a few things to consider.

What To Do When You Feel Unwanted

When you feel unwanted and you know you’re unwanted, you have two choices: you can either remain in a suffering state or you can choose to move towards living in a beautiful state. Feeling unwanted hurts. It’s painful, depressing, and disappointing. It only leads to you to feel worse off. There is no benefit in remaining in a relationship that makes you feel unwanted. We all aim for and strive to feel a deep human connection, but when you don’t get it from the person you most want it from, it’s time to throw in the towel.
I’m not insisting on getting rid of everyone in your life that makes you feel unwanted, but I want to insist that you can’t make someone love you, you can’t make someone like you, and you can’t make someone want to be with you.
However, what you can do is choose to love and appreciate yourself. Reaffirm your own value on your own self-worth and believe in all the good you have to offer. Self-love is worth fighting for.

The Struggle When You Feel Unwanted

The struggle of feeling unwanted is overwhelming and can be downright depressing. It’s difficult when all you really want is to be wanted or even loved. Knowing you cannot change someone is the first step. You are not in control of the other person who does not want you. You cannot control how they choose to give you affection, how they choose to communicate with you, and they choose to interact with you. However, you are in charge of how you interact with them and how you respond to them. If you’re unwanted, put yourself first and find your own worth by moving on.

Feeling Uneasy Is Completely Normal

Should you make the move to invest in yourself and ditch the person that does not want you, you most likely will feel uneasy and anxious. This is not going to be easy, but you can do it! Know that these feelings of uneasiness are completely normal. They really are. Think of how long it took you to get comfortable with the person who made you feel unwanted. Time is our only commodity; you deserve to feel wanted.

Conclusion

Feeling unwanted is never a desirable feeling to have. We all long to be wanted, to be loved, and to be appreciated — these are some of the very basic needs of being human. We long for connection, and when you don’t receive that connection in turn, it’s time to do some soul searching and gather your self-worth.
We all deserve to feel wanted and loved. Sometimes, it just doesn’t happen — and that’s more than okay. Choose to love yourself and take a chance on you. You’re worth it, and you deserve the bright future ahead of you.

LIFEHACK

ways to ask your man for something and get it

Relationships always involve giving, sharing and reaching compromises.

Given the fact that men are generally believed to be the stronger of the pair and hence, often the provider, it is not uncommon that women usually have things to ask, demands to make, and changes required of their significant other.

Below are 3 sure ways that will help you get whatever you want anytime you make the request of your man.

Go straight to the point

In an attempt to avoid looking so direct and demanding, some choose the other option of ‘stylishly’ making the requests. This is done by dropping hints, and communicating their desire for that particular thing in no express terms.

Not going straight to the point when making requests could pose a problem in relationships (HecticParents)

If you want to get an answer, you need to stick to the point rather than communicating through subtext. Often times, the intention is even lost on your man during the indirect asking and hint-droppings. Hence, make a request for the thing that you actually want, or you just might not get it.

Don't guilt trip him

The point here is to discourage you ladies from shaming your spouse or partner into getting what you want.

Sure, taking him on a guilt trip might get you want, but that’s more down to him trying to save face or maintain his. You really do not want that to be the standard in your relationship.

Nobody wants to feel like they're doing the wrong thing all the time. So instead of saying to your boyfriend or husband, “Why haven’t you done this or that for me in six months?” you could instead say “It would mean a lot to me if you did this, or if you did that.”

Show appreciation

This is almost the simplest thing ever to do, but sadly it is the one taken for granted the most.

Appreciating the little thing a man does for you will only make you both happier and stronger together (ForHarriet)

It is sometimes said that men are like dogs in the sense that they loved to be praised, just the way you would pat your dog on the head for being of ‘good behaviour’ or for some similar act that’ll be considered ‘good behaviour’ for a dog.

Though the comparison with dogs doesn’t really sit well with me, I have to agree with the logic behind it. Men indeed love to have their egos massaged, they want to feel like they are doing things right. An important part of any relationship is to regularly let your partner know you appreciate the things he does, that you don't take those things for granted.

PulseNG

How do you express your love?

Expressing your love differs from person to person, and according to Dr. Gary Chapman, a Christian counselor and author, people can be divided into five different categories depending on how they express their love.

He wrote The Five Love Languages in which he divides these ways into the following categories:
Words of Affirmation
This is when you say how nice your partner looks, or how great they cook, or what an amazing person they are. It's all about building up your partner, making them feel good and reassured.
Acts of Service
If you or your partner show love by doing things for each other, then you fall into this category, however its an easy trap to fall into if you do these acts begrudgingly.
Things like helping around the house, hanging the washing, going to the market, or putting the kids to bed need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love, Chapman says
Quality Time
Some people place spending time together as the most important way to show love.
Not so much just sitting there on your phones, it's about connecting while doing something, even if you are just chilling.
Receiving Gifts
Giving or getting a gift from your partner can be the best way you may express love, or like to receive it. It doesn't need to be expensive or flashy, it's more a way of showing you care or are thinking of each other.
Physical Touch
If you always like to be physically affectionate, and not just sex, hugs, kisses, back rubs etc then this is likely where you fit. This physical contact is very reassuring and meaningful to someone with this love language.
So now you know the categories, figuring where you fit is easy.
As marriage.about.com says, ask yourself:

How do I express love to others?
What do I complain about the most?
What do I request most often?

Get your partner to do the same, it could be that you are in different categories, but as Chapman cautions in his book, "We're not talking comfort. We're talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren't connecting. They are sincere, but sincerity isn't enough."
So you need to get out of that comfort zone to meet each other's emotional needs, while people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, there needs to be a middle ground.
So once you have figure out each other's love languages, it's time to communicate in them.
If your partner needs words of affirmation, surprise them with some sweet messages through the day on why you love them.
If it's quality time they need, despite your busy lives, commit to a date every week where you hang out together, and leave the phones at home.
If your love loves physical touch then get some nice massage oils and surprise them with a massage at the end of their busy day.
If gifts are the way to your lover's heart, then you don't need to blow the budget, it's about the thought.
Also, when it comes to birthdays or Christmas, make sure you put effort in, even if its organising a nice dinner.
If they like things done for them, use your initiative, be equals in the household, you can mop the floor, cook dinner or even asking how you can help will go a long way.

Tips for guys on how to be romantic

As a guy, you probably don’t feel the onus is on you to be romantic. Maybe you’ve don’t even think the girl wants you to be romantic.

After all, romance was something your grandparents did, right? And those days are long gone. In 2016, we do things differently.

Not quite. Despite the rise of instant-dating apps like Tinder, and despite what popular pickup artists might tell you, girls still want to be romanced by men the way their grandmother’s we’re romanced. It’s true. Indeed, romance can lift you out of the friend zone and into exactly where you want be. Romance can also help a simmering relationship reach boiling point.

If you’re not entirely sure about how to be romantic, let’s take a look at 10 tips for guys on how to romance her.

• Make A List

Girls love it when guys remember things, and they get really despondent when we don’t remember things. If you surprise her on your anniversary with a gift before she’s had the chance to scream “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU FORGOT IT WAS OUR ANNIVERSARY OMG” you’re onto a winner.

It’s really romantic when you remember key dates and make plans for them. If you’re not the best at remembering dates (who is?) it’s a good idea to pen them in on a list. Make a note of her birthday, and your anniversary. Write down the date you shared your first kiss with her, as well as any other dates you know are special to her. And when the dates swing around, do something special for her. She’ll love it.

• Make A Toast To Her

She’s your lover.

She’s also your best friend.

She might even be your soul mate.

Eventually, she could be the mother to your children.

She’s always going to be there for you, through the good times and the bad times.

She won’t let you down.

She sounds amazing.

She is amazing.

So make a toast to her before your evening meal. Let her know you’re thankful that she’s in your life. Let her know she’s special and that she deserves this toast and many others.

“Here’s to you.”

• Show Her Affection

You might think that as a guy in a relationship, it’s the girl who should be affectionate. You just need sit back and enjoy it. After all, us guys don’t do affection, right? Men just aren’t born affectionate.

But girls want you to show affection. They want you to reach out for a hug first, to grab their hand in the street and spontaneously embrace them under the streetlights. It won’t emasculate you, I promise. Try it!

Read more: Dating Tips Don’t do any of these if you are 

• Make A Photo Album

You probably think that photo albums are dead in this, the age of the selfies. Most people think that photo albums are dead.

Your partner probably thinks they’re dead, too.

And this is why she’ll be knocked off her feet if you make a photo album that celebrates the memories you two have shared together. She won’t be able to believe it. She’ll be stunned, surprise, amazed – and more in love than ever.

Making a photo album is going to take up a bit of time and will demand some creativity on your part. But it’ll be totally worth it.

• Share Things With Them

Romance truly is dead if you can’t share important things with your partner. If you’d rather keep your likes, dislikes, worries and hopes to yourself, it doesn’t really say a lot for this relationship. Sure, it keeps you invulnerable, but it also keeps you at a distance.

Sharing things with your partner is romantic. Whether you’re sharing a gift of opening up about your day, you’re involving them in your life by bringing them closer to you.

• Help Her To Achieve Her Dreams

Your partner surely has dreams. But in what way are you helping her to achieve them?

Some men feel threatened by their partners’ dreams. They worry that their woman will be more successful than them and – worse still – that they’ll outgrow them.

It’s much more romantic, however, to encourage your partner to be the best she can be.

• Think Outside The Box

I went away on a business trip recently to DC and when I returned home, my partner asked if I’d brought her a gift.

“I haven’t,” I said sheepishly.

I felt bad. I explained that I hadn’t had much time and that I never think about buying gifts, not even for myself.

“I know,” she said.

She knew because she knows me inside out. I always think inside the box – never outside.

So I decided to start thinking outside the box. On my way home from work, I now sometimes stop off at the supermarket and buy her some flowers.

In the morning I sometimes surprise her with a cup of coffee in bed.

In the evening, I leave a chocolate love heart on her pillow before she joins me in bed.

All of these things are out of character for me – and this element of surprise is so romantic.

• Show Her She’s Important To You

I know how much you love a boys night out. But if you want to make a powerful romantic gesture every now and then, it’s a good idea to put the breaks on your night out with your buddies to see your partner instead.

Show her that she’s important to you. If she needs you, you’re always going to be there for her.

• Dress To Kill

Isn’t it funny how we get dressed up to the nines for when we have to meet total strangers, but let ourselves go around our partners? We walk around the house in frayed slacks, torn sweaters and socks with holes in. We look like a hobo, but we don’t mind because our partner loves us anyway.

This is not exactly romantic, guys. It’s time to change. It’s time to keep up appearances and dress to kill around your partner at all times.

This means shaving each day (or at least getting your beard just right). It means wearing clean clothes and binning any socks with holes in. It means wearing cologne and smelling nice.

• Pay Her Lots Of Attention

When you guys go out together, don’t spend half the night talking about work or what you and your best buddy are going to do at the weekend. Talk about her. Give her your full attention. Put your phone away and make her feel like she’s the centre of your universe.

Source: Beauty and tips.com

The impotance of defining your relationship

The title sounds like a broken old school record that keeps playing over and again. Yet, it is important to define your relationship.

If the labels change, or if you feel differently and need to redefine the relationship, go right ahead and redefine it. If you let unanswered questions hang around your relationship and uncertainties fester, it is only a recipe for heartbreak.

What Are We?

This is one of the most difficult things to ask in a growing friendship. There is usually the hilarious “we are nothing but pencil in the hands of the creator” response; which is not funny at all if you are the enquirer. Even though there is a 50-50 chance of it ending badly, it gives both of you an opportunity to reveal what you feel about eachother. At the end of this conversation, if both parties are honest, the couple should be able to put a tag on their relationship, have reasonable demands of each other, and hold each partner accountable.

What Are We Doing?

This should clear any doubts about whether emotions should get involved or not. The answers can range from;

“We are just hanging out”

“It is just sex”

“We kissed once”

“It does not mean anything”

To

“I love you”

“We are getting to know each other”

“This is important to me”

“It’s not just sex”

The answer will dictate the next step for the relationship and ensure that both parties are on the same page. It will also afford each partner an opportunity to decide whether they want to go on with whatever they are doing, or opt out.

How Far Is Too Far?

If you are in a non-committed relationship, you should set boundaries on how far is comfortable enough. If you are close friends with a married person, you both should agree on how close you two can get before it is too close for comfort. If you two are single and ready to mingle but have not committed to each other, you can agree on having casual sex and walking away without expectations or keeping sexual intimacy out of the equation while spending time with each other. It prevents the infantile “you took advantage of me” tantrums

Where Is This Going?

The ideal response to this question for people in relationships should be “to the altar” but you should ask your partner and be clear about it. Many people are in relationships that they do not expect or intend to end in marriage and may be genuinely bewildered when their partners spring the “when should I notify my family” question. You can come to an amicable resolution of the direction of the relationship and make plans on how to get there.

It is a risky thing to assume anything in a relationship. The hurt of your partner telling you they don’t feel the same as you, cannot be compared to the anguish of finding out that you two have been operating on different mindsets about your relationship for long. The conversation can be unnerving and a bit uncomfortable to initiate but every couple should have it as often as possible. Feelings and expectations change, so do people; as such, it is important to keep communication lines opens and keep adjusting and updating the status of your relationship

SOURCE: PulseNG

Things about your relationship you shouldn’t tell your friends

If you’re with the most amazing partner on the surface of the earth, it is almost impossible not to talk about him.

Have you ever had your dream Christmas present and couldn’t show it to your friends? That’s just about how it feels to shut up about your amazing partner.

There are things about your relationship you can tell your friends, and there others you should not whisper a word of. Here are some of the no-nos:

• You absolutely cannot tell your friends about your partner’s intimate secrets. If you get invited into your partner’s world to share in their fears and vulnerabilities, you cannot share it with a third party. This is because it is your partner’s story to share, not yours; not anyone’s.

• Of course you cannot tell your friends that your partner dislikes them and thinks they are stupid, vain or boring. Ideally, you are to be the bridge between your friends and the people you date. You set yourself up for antagonism when your friends dislike your partner or vice versa because of something you said.

• Who stands to gain if your friends know that your partner has a somewhat unappealing body part? No one, really. If you respect your partner, and want to avoid your friends laughing at you behind your back, you will keep the story of your partner’s imperfections – a hairy bum perhaps – in your bedroom where it belongs.

• Unless your partner is a serial asshole who threatens your physical and emotional safety, keep your fights to yourself. All couples fight, and usually they patch up after tempers are calm. After you are all gooey-eyed when the fight has ended, you may have a hard time convincing your friends that you didn’t mean the terrible things you said about your partner.

• Finally, unless you’re comfortable with unsolicited acts of charity, you may want to hold on till your creditors actually threaten to kick you out of your home before telling your friends about the financial challenges you and your partner are facing.

The proper way to apologize to your partner

You can actually get into more trouble for apologizing wrongly than not apologizing at all, and you don’t necessarily have to be dealing with a crazy partner to experience such a turn of events.

As if a fight didn’t ruin the magic enough, you would have to deal with your partner’s unhappiness because you didn’t apologize ‘the right way’. Here’s how to say sorry, and say it right.

·      First of all, you have to admit that your partner is hurt. This isn’t the time to bring out a PowerPoint presentation of how they are being irrational, or of how you’re right and they are wrong. What matters is they are hurt, so apologize for their pain. Who is wrong or right can be discussed later when tempers are calm.

·      Sometimes people say sorry just to stem their partner’s complaints of how badly they have been treated. The moment their partners open their mouths and say ‘Honey I really didn’t like…’ they supply a perfunctory sorry; never mind that they don’t know what exactly it is they did wrong. Saying sorry just to prevent conflict doesn’t help; you only postpone the conflict.

·      You really have to know EXACTLY what you’re apologising for, so you don’t do it again. Apologizing for your partner’s hurt feelings is the first step, you have to establish clearly what it is you’re apologizing for.

·      Here’s the thing about apologies; they are more effective when they aren’t apologies to the same old issues. You can’t apologise five times in two months for the same thing, your partner will think you actually take delight in apologizing. Instead, why don’t you do try and do better? As an alternative to walking through the door and meeting a sulky partner, you can have a really good time if you come bearing the groceries she asked you to get, Santa style.

·      Finally, it goes without saying that you ought to mean your apology. Even if it has to take you a full week to see why you have to apologise, do it. Be at peace with yourself about giving that apology, it cannot be bullied out of you.

Relationship on campus ; the do's and dont's

                   

Relationships have become something that people have misunderstood. Relationship is actually a divine orchestration which we cannot do without and I believe that with a proper understanding of it, people would grow to treasure relationships.

Relationship is an institution set up to create interaction between people so as to ensure continuity of life, balance of nature and inner satisfaction for everybody. Relationship brings men of like minds together to build a great thing, it inspires love in people for friendship. Relationship keeps the world moving and the earth spinning.

Even though there are different kinds of relationship, sexual relationship seems to be the most important for the continuity of life. The race of men will cease to exist if it vanishes, and the world will be a wasteland. Sexual relationship exist also to satisfy the urge and sexual desire of every man.
From a Nigeria-based statistics, it has been discovered that, the most enduring sexual relationships that exists are actually those that started while at school such as tertiary institutions, because at the time, folks are still young, tender and sincere, and these relationships make it through to marriage. The same cannot be spoken of for those who are already out of school and are looking for somebody they barely know to build a relationship with, most of the opportunities that surface usually end up as a “trial and error”.

 



Therefore, I am opined that, apart from learning and skill development which is imparted at school, it is also an opportunity where good relationship structures can be built.
The only disadvantage I see in engaging in sexual relationship while at school is distraction from academics, but if folks can keep themselves in check and also desist from entering relationship in the early stages of their stay at school, it can work.

Distractions are normal things for everyone to face, a universal examination that everyone go through and it should not be an excuse for not going into relationship.
However, I must highlight here that, by sexual relationships, I do not mean that the parties involved can perform illicit acts while at school, but I am talking about the beautiful sexual relationship of love, affection, hopes and passion that leads into the beautiful institution that we call “marriage”, where the certificate called “beautiful kids” is received. It should remain clean and the parties undefiled until the marriage tent has been entered.

Source:  EDUREGARD