The SUG President Philip Shaibu Omepa on friday evening revealed plans to create a "STUDENT CENTRE" for KSU students by the union.
He posted this on his FACEBOOK TIMELINE :
"The proposed student center by the SUG 2015/2016 .... The Student Center shall serve as the official, legal and recognized student ground of Kogi State University. It shall serve academic purposes as well as social and recreational purposes.
The student center shall provide:
Free meeting hall for students Affordable computer services ranging from internet services, printing and photocopying, lamination.
Low price eatery/ cafeteria Affordable gym center Affordable laundry services for students Free indoor sport facilities(badminton, table tennis, snooker, chess etc) Football viewing facilities and cinema.
It is quite obvious that the SUG does not have enough money that will bring this project to completion. We therefore, seek the support of government, private bodies and organisations, as well as notable individuals for the actualization of this great project. We thus anticipate a positive response to this proposal."
Friday, June 10, 2016
Kogi State Governor 'Yahaya Bello' Renames State University After Late Abubakar Audu
Governor Yahaya Bello of Kogi on Friday renamed the Kogi State University, Ayangba, after the late first civilian governor of the state, Abubakar Audu. Bello announced the change in the name of the 15- year-old university during a statewide broadcast to mark his victory at the state governorship election petition tribunal. He said that naming the university was the ultimate honor that could be done to the memory of the late colorful politician who ruled the state twice as the civilian governor from 1991 to 1993 and 1999 to 2003. Audu himself established the university in 2001 and named it Prince Abubakar Audu University but his successor, Alhaji Ibrahim Idris changed the name to Kogi State University in 2004. Justifying his decision to restore the university to its original name, Bello said that Audu laid a solid foundation for the growth and development of the state
“Today, and as always, I celebrate the life and times of Prince Abubakar Audu, the first Executive Governor of Kogi State. It is our hope that those who want to lay claim to his legacy will at least develop the same heart for the growth and development of Kogi State that he demonstrated through his lifetime,” he said. According to the governor, an executive bill will soon be forwarded to the house of assembly to formalise the change in the name of the university. Audu, who was the candidate of the All Progressives Congress (APC) in the November 21st 2015 governorship election in the state, died suddenly on November 22nd before the result of the election was announced. The leadership of the APC consequently substituted the name of Audu with that of Yahaya Bello as the candidate in the supplementary governorship election held on December 5th 2015.
The governor also used the broadcast to thank the people of the state for their support and understanding since his assumption of office in January . He said that since the five petitions filed against him had been thrown out for lack of merit, the state was now set to witness a new direction and accelerated development. According to Bello, a blueprint of the administration which will kick start creation of one million jobs for the unemployed youths will be unveiled by next week. He called on all those who lost at the tribunal, irrespective of their political affiliation, to join hands with him to develop the state, saying “there was no victor, no vanquish”.
BEYOND KSU : We Won't Conduct Post UTME Since We Have Been Directed Not To Do So - OAU PRO
A statement which was purported to have emanated from the Public Relations Officer of Obafemi Awolowo University Ile-ife (OAU), Olanrewaju Abiodun has is that the institution in line with the Federal government's directive will not be conducting Post-UTME for candidates seeking admission into the institution this year.
According to the statement credited to the PRO,"OAU is owned by the federal government, so we will not conduct our own Post UTME since we have been directed not to do so"
However, how the institution intends to run the admission process for this year was not disclosed. I will advise you don't abandon your books yet to avoid unpleasant surprises.
According to the statement credited to the PRO,"OAU is owned by the federal government, so we will not conduct our own Post UTME since we have been directed not to do so"
However, how the institution intends to run the admission process for this year was not disclosed. I will advise you don't abandon your books yet to avoid unpleasant surprises.
BEYOND KSU : FUAM Shut Down By Management Following Cult Related Violence
The management of Federal University of Agriculture, Makurdi, has shut down the institution indefinitely. This followed cult related violence in the school which left 4 students dead in the early hours of yesterday.
According to the institution’s Information Officer, Mr Dzerka Fanafa, the decision to close down the school was taken in an emergency meeting of stake holders on Wednesday night in which it was unanimously agreed that students leave the hostels before noon on Thursday to avoid escalation of the crisis.
Fanafa said the university Senate was expected to meet later on Thursday to ratify the decision taken at the meeting.
According to the institution’s Information Officer, Mr Dzerka Fanafa, the decision to close down the school was taken in an emergency meeting of stake holders on Wednesday night in which it was unanimously agreed that students leave the hostels before noon on Thursday to avoid escalation of the crisis.
Fanafa said the university Senate was expected to meet later on Thursday to ratify the decision taken at the meeting.
KSU Boy and Gal Palava ; 6 (kinda) strange boyfriend behaviors explained
1. He shows his vulnerability.
Many guys think women are looking for the kind of dude
who exudes strength and confidence minus the macho bit.
So that’s the kind of persona he likely tried to cultivate when
he was pursuing you. Once he’s accomplished that, he may
let his softer side emerge. ”Most men want to appear
strong and in control, but behind that facade, they want to
be nurtured,” says Henry Cloud, PhD, author of How to Get
a Date Worth Keeping. So once he feels that love
connection with you, you’re the one he’ll look to when he
needs comforting. If you play your cards right during your
guy’s time of need, he’ll get into the habit of letting down his
emotional guard and opening up to you more often. And
what girl doesn’t want an emotionally available man? So just
listen, try to empathize with him and offer your support.
“By positively reinforcing his vulnerable behavior, you’re
encouraging him to be that way with you,” says Los Angeles-
based psychologist Yvonne Thomas. But beware of the
“mommy” trap. “He wants understanding, not babying,”
says Cloud. And make sure you don’t let these heart-to-
hearts become a one-way street. It’s important for you to
turn to him when you need comforting as well. Says
Thomas: “Being vulnerable with each other can help make
the relationship stronger.”
2. He takes fights to the finish.
Despite their penchant for body-crushing sports and blood-
and-guts action flicks, guys tend to shy away from
confrontations with chicks. “Many men feel overwhelmed
fighting with their partners,” says Don Ferguson, PhD,
author of Reptiles in Love. ”They are not as comfortable
expressing their emotions as they perceive women to be
and, therefore, try to avoid contentious situations.” So if
your man steps outside his comfort zone to duke it out with
you (verbally, of course), it’s a pretty sure sign that he’s in
this twosome for the long term. “A man who is willing to
stand up to you and assert himself intends to be around
awhile,” says Ferguson. “If he wasn’t that interested, he’d
play the compliant card.” Granted, arguing may not be your
idea of fun, but it can actually bring you and your man
closer. “Couples build intimacy through conflict,” says
Ferguson. “It’s how they deepen their knowledge of each
other.” The trick is knowing how to fight fair. It’s not about
name-calling, blaming or even winning. “When you are
fighting for things that are important and to resolve a
problem, you’ll both end up more satisfied in the
relationship,” says Cloud.
3. He guards his guy habits.
Men are fiercely protective of their buddy time. But when a
guy is in hot pursuit, sex trumps the boys, and he’ll be
available for the woman he’s with pretty much any time she
wants him. That explains why you and your man spent so
much together time early on in the relationship. But once
that love bond is formed, they feel the need to balance out
their social life and reclaim playtime with their buds
again. So it makes sense that once your guy realizes he’s
hooked on you, he’ll try to carve out more male-bonding
opportunities. It doesn’t mean he’s cutting you loose; it’s
just his way of overcompensating for falling so hard. “His
fears about losing his independence may lead to his need to
assert his autonomy so he can prove to himself — and to
you — that love hasn’t taken away his freedom,” says
Deborah Anapol, PhD, author of The Seven Natural Laws of
Love. The best way to deal with these new interruptions in
your 24/7 together time is to give him some slack. Matt,* 31,
can vouch for that. “I really love being with my girlfriend,
Jenny, but when it initially dawned on me that I had been
spending all of my time with her, I kind of freaked,” he
recalls. “My previous girlfriends always gave me a hard time
when I wanted to be with just my friends. But the first time
I decided to go out of town with the guys, she told me she
was glad because it gave her a chance to see her own
friends. Knowing she had plenty going on in her life without
me was a relief.” Jenny’s one smart cookie. By sending the
message that she wasn’t going to crumble without him,
Matt didn’t feel trapped and desperate to get in his guy
time. “It’s important to allow him his space and to take your
own and trust that it will even out,” says Anapol. “The best
thing you can do when your guy pulls back is to take your
attention off him and keep it on yourself.”
4. He stops talking as much.
You already know that guys aren’t big on emoting. So when
you start dating a dude who’s willing to talk to you for hours
on end, sharing all the juicy details of his life, you probably
feel like you’ve snagged a rare gem. That is, until you’re an
actual couple and he adopts a monosyllabic conversation
MO. It’s understandable that you’d feel like he’s shutting
you out, but he’s letting you know (not deliberately) that
he’s content and comfortable with you. “If your formerly
verbal guy becomes close-mouthed, it means that he feels
so relaxed with you, he doesn’t need to impress you
anymore,” explains Thomas. “Once there’s a real
connection, you can be together without talking. It’s a
deeper form of intimacy because you’re being more
genuine with each other.”
5. He wants less sex.
It’s pretty hard to top that high you get during the lust-
fueled beginning of a relationship. So when that inevitably
cools off a bit, it can be soul-crushing. But his downshifted
libido doesn’t necessarily signal that he’s no longer into you.
“A decrease in sex can often mean that a couple is
connecting in other ways, so they’re not as driven by lust,”
says Cloud. It can also mean that he knows there will be
plenty of time for fooling around, so he doesn’t feel
desperate to get it on with you whenever you hit the
sack. That’s what Lucy, 28, discovered. “In the beginning,
Peter and I had tons of amazing sex,” she recalls. “So after a
while, when he’d occasionally spend the night and just go to
sleep, I got worried. One night, when we got home late
from a party and he didn’t want to get it on, I called him on
it. He looked at me like I was crazy, then explained that he
was simply tired — no big deal.” Ironically, less sex may
actually be good for your relationship. “As your partner
grows to care about you more, he starts sharing other parts
of himself, such as his mind and heart, rather than just his
body,” says Thomas. “That’s the difference between lust and
love.”
6. He shows his kinky side.
As you and your guy get closer, you may not be having as
much sex, but you can definitely have much better sex.
Translation: A deeper connection means carnal quality over
quantity. And more creativity. That’s because when your
man feels tight with you, he’ll be more inclined to suggest
some kinkier bedroom activities, because he’s not worried
that you’ll bolt or think he’s a perv. “He trusts you and feels
safe enough to reveal things without worrying about your
judging or rejecting him,” says Thomas. So don’t judge or
reject him when he does bring up some new erotic ideas.
Of course, you don’t have to indulge him either. But be
gentle when you turn him down. Simply saying something
like, “That just doesn’t turn me on” should suffice. Then you
can counter his suggestion with one of your own. It will
help ease any discomfort he might feel about being shot
down, and you will probably get what you want in bed as
well. Even if you don’t turn him down, communicating your
desires will improve your lust life…and boost your bond.
“Sharing and experimenting with each other’s more private
fantasies can be powerfully intimate and strengthen your
relationship,” says Thomas. Hotter sex and a tighter
connection? It doesn’t get much better than that.
Many guys think women are looking for the kind of dude
who exudes strength and confidence minus the macho bit.
So that’s the kind of persona he likely tried to cultivate when
he was pursuing you. Once he’s accomplished that, he may
let his softer side emerge. ”Most men want to appear
strong and in control, but behind that facade, they want to
be nurtured,” says Henry Cloud, PhD, author of How to Get
a Date Worth Keeping. So once he feels that love
connection with you, you’re the one he’ll look to when he
needs comforting. If you play your cards right during your
guy’s time of need, he’ll get into the habit of letting down his
emotional guard and opening up to you more often. And
what girl doesn’t want an emotionally available man? So just
listen, try to empathize with him and offer your support.
“By positively reinforcing his vulnerable behavior, you’re
encouraging him to be that way with you,” says Los Angeles-
based psychologist Yvonne Thomas. But beware of the
“mommy” trap. “He wants understanding, not babying,”
says Cloud. And make sure you don’t let these heart-to-
hearts become a one-way street. It’s important for you to
turn to him when you need comforting as well. Says
Thomas: “Being vulnerable with each other can help make
the relationship stronger.”
2. He takes fights to the finish.
Despite their penchant for body-crushing sports and blood-
and-guts action flicks, guys tend to shy away from
confrontations with chicks. “Many men feel overwhelmed
fighting with their partners,” says Don Ferguson, PhD,
author of Reptiles in Love. ”They are not as comfortable
expressing their emotions as they perceive women to be
and, therefore, try to avoid contentious situations.” So if
your man steps outside his comfort zone to duke it out with
you (verbally, of course), it’s a pretty sure sign that he’s in
this twosome for the long term. “A man who is willing to
stand up to you and assert himself intends to be around
awhile,” says Ferguson. “If he wasn’t that interested, he’d
play the compliant card.” Granted, arguing may not be your
idea of fun, but it can actually bring you and your man
closer. “Couples build intimacy through conflict,” says
Ferguson. “It’s how they deepen their knowledge of each
other.” The trick is knowing how to fight fair. It’s not about
name-calling, blaming or even winning. “When you are
fighting for things that are important and to resolve a
problem, you’ll both end up more satisfied in the
relationship,” says Cloud.
3. He guards his guy habits.
Men are fiercely protective of their buddy time. But when a
guy is in hot pursuit, sex trumps the boys, and he’ll be
available for the woman he’s with pretty much any time she
wants him. That explains why you and your man spent so
much together time early on in the relationship. But once
that love bond is formed, they feel the need to balance out
their social life and reclaim playtime with their buds
again. So it makes sense that once your guy realizes he’s
hooked on you, he’ll try to carve out more male-bonding
opportunities. It doesn’t mean he’s cutting you loose; it’s
just his way of overcompensating for falling so hard. “His
fears about losing his independence may lead to his need to
assert his autonomy so he can prove to himself — and to
you — that love hasn’t taken away his freedom,” says
Deborah Anapol, PhD, author of The Seven Natural Laws of
Love. The best way to deal with these new interruptions in
your 24/7 together time is to give him some slack. Matt,* 31,
can vouch for that. “I really love being with my girlfriend,
Jenny, but when it initially dawned on me that I had been
spending all of my time with her, I kind of freaked,” he
recalls. “My previous girlfriends always gave me a hard time
when I wanted to be with just my friends. But the first time
I decided to go out of town with the guys, she told me she
was glad because it gave her a chance to see her own
friends. Knowing she had plenty going on in her life without
me was a relief.” Jenny’s one smart cookie. By sending the
message that she wasn’t going to crumble without him,
Matt didn’t feel trapped and desperate to get in his guy
time. “It’s important to allow him his space and to take your
own and trust that it will even out,” says Anapol. “The best
thing you can do when your guy pulls back is to take your
attention off him and keep it on yourself.”
4. He stops talking as much.
You already know that guys aren’t big on emoting. So when
you start dating a dude who’s willing to talk to you for hours
on end, sharing all the juicy details of his life, you probably
feel like you’ve snagged a rare gem. That is, until you’re an
actual couple and he adopts a monosyllabic conversation
MO. It’s understandable that you’d feel like he’s shutting
you out, but he’s letting you know (not deliberately) that
he’s content and comfortable with you. “If your formerly
verbal guy becomes close-mouthed, it means that he feels
so relaxed with you, he doesn’t need to impress you
anymore,” explains Thomas. “Once there’s a real
connection, you can be together without talking. It’s a
deeper form of intimacy because you’re being more
genuine with each other.”
5. He wants less sex.
It’s pretty hard to top that high you get during the lust-
fueled beginning of a relationship. So when that inevitably
cools off a bit, it can be soul-crushing. But his downshifted
libido doesn’t necessarily signal that he’s no longer into you.
“A decrease in sex can often mean that a couple is
connecting in other ways, so they’re not as driven by lust,”
says Cloud. It can also mean that he knows there will be
plenty of time for fooling around, so he doesn’t feel
desperate to get it on with you whenever you hit the
sack. That’s what Lucy, 28, discovered. “In the beginning,
Peter and I had tons of amazing sex,” she recalls. “So after a
while, when he’d occasionally spend the night and just go to
sleep, I got worried. One night, when we got home late
from a party and he didn’t want to get it on, I called him on
it. He looked at me like I was crazy, then explained that he
was simply tired — no big deal.” Ironically, less sex may
actually be good for your relationship. “As your partner
grows to care about you more, he starts sharing other parts
of himself, such as his mind and heart, rather than just his
body,” says Thomas. “That’s the difference between lust and
love.”
6. He shows his kinky side.
As you and your guy get closer, you may not be having as
much sex, but you can definitely have much better sex.
Translation: A deeper connection means carnal quality over
quantity. And more creativity. That’s because when your
man feels tight with you, he’ll be more inclined to suggest
some kinkier bedroom activities, because he’s not worried
that you’ll bolt or think he’s a perv. “He trusts you and feels
safe enough to reveal things without worrying about your
judging or rejecting him,” says Thomas. So don’t judge or
reject him when he does bring up some new erotic ideas.
Of course, you don’t have to indulge him either. But be
gentle when you turn him down. Simply saying something
like, “That just doesn’t turn me on” should suffice. Then you
can counter his suggestion with one of your own. It will
help ease any discomfort he might feel about being shot
down, and you will probably get what you want in bed as
well. Even if you don’t turn him down, communicating your
desires will improve your lust life…and boost your bond.
“Sharing and experimenting with each other’s more private
fantasies can be powerfully intimate and strengthen your
relationship,” says Thomas. Hotter sex and a tighter
connection? It doesn’t get much better than that.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Do you sweat too much? You should see this
Excessive Sweating (Hyperhidrosis)
What Is Hyperhidrosis?
Hyperhidrosis, or excessive sweating, is a common
disorder which produces a lot of unhappiness. An
estimated 2-3% of Americans suffer from excessive
sweating of the underarms (axillary hyperhidrosis) or of
the palms and soles of the feet (palmoplantar
hyperhidrosis). Underarm problems tend to start in late
adolescence, while palm and sole sweating often begins
earlier, around the age 13 (on the average). Untreated,
these problems may continue throughout life.
Sweating is embarrassing, it stains clothes, ruins
romance, and complicates business and social
interactions. Severe cases can have serious practical
consequences as well, making it hard for people who
suffer from it to hold a pen, grip a car steering wheel, or
shake hands.
What Causes Hyperhidrosis?
Although neurologic, endocrine, infectious, and other
systemic diseases can sometimes cause hyperhidrosis,
most cases occur in people who are otherwise healthy.
Heat and emotions may trigger hyperhidrosis in some,
but many who suffer from hyperhidrosis sweat nearly
all their waking hours, regardless of their mood or the
weather.
What is the Treatment for Hyperhidrosis?
Through a systematic evaluation of causes and triggers
of hyperhidrosis, followed by a judicious, stepwise
approach to treatment, many people with this annoying
disorder can sometimes achieve good results and
improved quality of life.
The approach to treating excessive sweating generally
proceeds as follows:
Over-the-counter antiperspirants containing a low dose
of metal salt (usually aluminum) are usually tried first
because they are readily available. Antiperspirants
containing aluminum chloride (for example Certain Dri)
may be more effective when other antiperspirants have
failed.
Prescription strength antiperspirants, which
contain aluminum chloride hexahydrate.
Iontophoresis, a device which passes ionized tap
water through the skin using direct electricity.
Oral medications, Anticholinergics reduce
sweating.
Botox (botulinum toxin)-A, has been approved in
the U.S. by the FDA for treating excessive axillary
(underarm) sweating.
Surgery. A procedure called thoracic
sympathectomy may be considered as a last
resort.
Aluminum Chloride Hexahydrate and Excessive
Sweating
When regular antiperspirants fail to treat excessive
sweating, most doctors start by recommending
aluminum chloride hexahydrate (Drysol), a
prescription-strength version of aluminum
chloride. It is applied just before bedtime 2 to 3
nights in a row, then roughly once a week
thereafter to maintain improvement. Use as
directed by your doctor.This treatment works
reasonably well for many patients whose problem
is excessive underarm sweating, but it is not
satisfactory for most of those with palm and sole
sweating.
The main side effect of Drysol is irritation, which can
sometimes, but not always, be overcome by making sure
the skin is dry before application and letting the
medicine dry completely afterwards. Also, reducing the
frequency of use or applying anti-inflammatory drugs,
such as lotions containing a corticosteroid may help.
What Is Hyperhidrosis?
Hyperhidrosis, or excessive sweating, is a common
disorder which produces a lot of unhappiness. An
estimated 2-3% of Americans suffer from excessive
sweating of the underarms (axillary hyperhidrosis) or of
the palms and soles of the feet (palmoplantar
hyperhidrosis). Underarm problems tend to start in late
adolescence, while palm and sole sweating often begins
earlier, around the age 13 (on the average). Untreated,
these problems may continue throughout life.
Sweating is embarrassing, it stains clothes, ruins
romance, and complicates business and social
interactions. Severe cases can have serious practical
consequences as well, making it hard for people who
suffer from it to hold a pen, grip a car steering wheel, or
shake hands.
What Causes Hyperhidrosis?
Although neurologic, endocrine, infectious, and other
systemic diseases can sometimes cause hyperhidrosis,
most cases occur in people who are otherwise healthy.
Heat and emotions may trigger hyperhidrosis in some,
but many who suffer from hyperhidrosis sweat nearly
all their waking hours, regardless of their mood or the
weather.
What is the Treatment for Hyperhidrosis?
Through a systematic evaluation of causes and triggers
of hyperhidrosis, followed by a judicious, stepwise
approach to treatment, many people with this annoying
disorder can sometimes achieve good results and
improved quality of life.
The approach to treating excessive sweating generally
proceeds as follows:
Over-the-counter antiperspirants containing a low dose
of metal salt (usually aluminum) are usually tried first
because they are readily available. Antiperspirants
containing aluminum chloride (for example Certain Dri)
may be more effective when other antiperspirants have
failed.
Prescription strength antiperspirants, which
contain aluminum chloride hexahydrate.
Iontophoresis, a device which passes ionized tap
water through the skin using direct electricity.
Oral medications, Anticholinergics reduce
sweating.
Botox (botulinum toxin)-A, has been approved in
the U.S. by the FDA for treating excessive axillary
(underarm) sweating.
Surgery. A procedure called thoracic
sympathectomy may be considered as a last
resort.
Aluminum Chloride Hexahydrate and Excessive
Sweating
When regular antiperspirants fail to treat excessive
sweating, most doctors start by recommending
aluminum chloride hexahydrate (Drysol), a
prescription-strength version of aluminum
chloride. It is applied just before bedtime 2 to 3
nights in a row, then roughly once a week
thereafter to maintain improvement. Use as
directed by your doctor.This treatment works
reasonably well for many patients whose problem
is excessive underarm sweating, but it is not
satisfactory for most of those with palm and sole
sweating.
The main side effect of Drysol is irritation, which can
sometimes, but not always, be overcome by making sure
the skin is dry before application and letting the
medicine dry completely afterwards. Also, reducing the
frequency of use or applying anti-inflammatory drugs,
such as lotions containing a corticosteroid may help.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Sex and Relationships : Ways To Know If It’s Real Love Or Not
Is it love, or a mutual strangulation society?
Here are five ways to get a real grip on the real thing.
In a folktale that has been retold for centuries in many
variations (one of which is Shakespeare’s King Lear), an
elderly king asks his three daughters how much they love
him.
The two older sisters deliver flowery speeches of filial
adoration, but the youngest says only “I love you as meat
loves salt.”
The king, insulted by this homely simile, banishes the
youngest daughter and divides his kingdom between the
older two, who promptly kick him out on his royal heinie.
He seeks refuge in the very house where his third daughter
is working as a scullery maid. Recognizing her father, the
daughter asks the cook to prepare his meal without salt.
The king eats a few tasteless mouthfuls, and then bursts
into tears. “All along,” he cries, “It was my youngest
daughter who really loved me!” The daughter reveals
herself and all ends happily (except in King Lear, where
pretty much everybody dies).
This story survived throughout Europe for a very long time
because it is highly instructive: It reminds listeners that in
matters of love, choosing style over substance is disastrous.
It also helps us know when we’re making that mistake.
Salt is unique in that its taste doesn’t cover up the food it
seasons but enhances whatever flavor was there to begin
with. Real love, real commitment, does the same thing.
Each of the following five statements is the polar opposite
of what most Americans see as loving commitment. But
these are “meat loves salt” commitments, as necessary as
they are unconventional. Only if you and your beloved can
honestly say them to each other is your relationship likely to
thrive.
One
“I can live without you, no problem.”
“I can’t live,” wails the singer, “if living is without you.” It
sounds so tragically deep to say that losing your lover’s
affections would make life unlivable —but have you ever
been in a relationship with someone whose survival truly
seemed to depend on your love?
Someone who sat around waiting for you to make life
bearable, who threatened to commit suicide if you ever
broke up? Or have you found yourself on the grasping side
of the equation, needing your partner the way you need
oxygen?
The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn’t love; it’s
desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it
invariably fails to meet either partner’s The statement “I
can’t survive without you” reflects not adult attraction but
infancy, a phase when we really would have died if our
caretakers hadn’t stayed close by, continuously anticipating
our needs.
The hunger for total nurturing usually means we’re in the
middle of a psychological regression, feeling like abandoned
infants who need parenting now, now, now! If this is how
you feel, don’t start dating. Start therapy. Counseling can
teach you how to get your needs met by the only person
responsible for them: you.
The “I can’t live without you” syndrome ends when we learn
to care for ourselves as tenderly and attentively as a good
mother. At that point, we’re ready to form stable, lasting
attachments that can last a lifetime. “I can live without you”
is an assurance that sets the stage for real love.
Two
“My love for you will definitely change.”
Most human beings seem innately averse to change. Once
we’ve established some measure of comfort or stability, we
want to nail it in place so that there’s no possibility of loss.
It’s understandable, then, that the promise “My love for you
will never change” is a hot seller.
Unfortunately, this is another promise that is more likely to
scuttle a relationship than shore it up. The reason is that
everything— and everyone— is constantly changing. We
age, grow, learn, get sick, get well, gain weight, lose weight,
find new interests, and drop old ones. And when two
individuals are constantly in flux, their relationship must be
fluid to survive.
Many people fear that if their love is free to change, it will
vanish. The opposite is true. A love that is allowed to adapt
to new circumstances is virtually indestructible. Infatuation
relaxes into calm companionship, then flares again as we
see new things to love about each other.
In times of trouble and illness, obligation may feel stronger
than attraction— until one day we realize that hanging in
there through troubled times has bonded us more deeply
than ever before. Like running water, changing love finds its
way past obstacles . Freezing it in place makes it fragile,
rigid, and all too likely to shatter.
Three
“You’re not everything I need.”
I’m a big fan of sexual monogamy, but I’m puzzled by lovers
who claim that their romantic partner is the only person
they need in their lives or that time together is the only
activity necessary for emotional fulfillment.
Humans are designed to live in groups, explore ideas, and
constantly learn new skills. Trying to get all this input from
one person is like trying to get a full range of vitamins by
eating only ice cream. When a couple believes “We must
fulfil all of each other’s needs,” each becomes exhausted by
the effort to be all things to the other and neither can
develop fully as an individual.
The hurt partners usually come in sounding something like
this: “How come you have to spend three hours a week
playing tennis (or gardening or painting)? Are you saying I’m
not enough to keep you happy?”
The healthiest response to such questions is “That’s right,
our relationship isn’t enough to make me completely happy
— and if I pretended it were, I’d stunt my soul and poison
my love for you.
Ever thought about what you’d like to do on your own?”
Sacrificing all our individual needs doesn’t strengthen a
relationship. Mutually supporting each other’s personal
growth does.
Four
“I won’t always hold you close.”
There’s a thin line between a romantic statement like “I love
you so much, I want to share my life with you until death do
us part” and the lunatic-fringe anthem “I love you so much
that if you try to leave me, I’ll kill you.”
People who say such things love others the way spiders love
flies; they love to capture them, wrap them in immobilizing
fetters, and drain nourishment out of them at peckish
moments. This is not the kind of love you want. The way you
can tell real love from spider love is simple: Possessiveness
and exploitation involve controlling the loved one, whereas
true love is based on setting the beloved free to make his or
her own choices.
How you use the word make is also a tip-off. When you hear
yourself saying “He makes me feel X” or “He made me do Y,”
you’re playing the victimized, trussed-up fly. Even more
telling are sentences like “I’ve got to make him see that he’s
wrong” or “I’ll hide what I really think because it would make
him angry.” You are not the victim but the crafty spider,
withholding and using manipulation to control your mate’s
feelings and actions.
Either strategy means that someone is being held too close,
wrapped in spider silk. Getting out of this sticky situation is
simple: Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the
truth. Begin by taking responsibility for your own choices—
including the choice to obey the spider man who may have
you in his thrall.
Then communicate your real feelings, needs, and desires to
your partner, without trying to force the reaction you want.
If your relationship can’t thrive in the clear light of honesty,
it is better to get out of it than to sink further into
manipulation and control.
Five
“You and I aren’t one.”
Perhaps you are neither a spider nor a fly but a chameleon
that morphs to match the one you love. Or you may date
chameleons, choosing partners who conform to your
personality. Either way, you’re not in a healthy relationship.
In fact, you’re not in a relationship at all.
I used to tune in so acutely to my loved ones’ wants and
needs that I literally didn’t know my own. This denial of self
ultimately turned into resentment, poisoning several close
relationships. Then— once burned, twice shy— I went
briefly to the opposite extreme.
I found myself having a lot of lackluster lunches with folks
who hung on my every word and agreed with everything I
said. Narcissistic I may be, but Narcissus I’m not; hanging
out with a human looking glass, no matter how flattering,
left me lonely.
If you’re accustomed to disappearing, this will allow you to
see that you can be loved as you really are. If you tend to
dominate, you’ll find out how interesting it is to love an
actual person rather than a human mirror.
Buddha once said that just as we can know the ocean
because it always tastes of salt, we can recognize
enlightenment because it always tastes of freedom. There’s
no essential difference between real love and
enlightenment. While many people see commitment as a
trap, its healthy versions actually free both lovers, bring out
the flavor of their true selves, and build a love that is
satisfying, lasting, and altogether delicious.
Here are five ways to get a real grip on the real thing.
In a folktale that has been retold for centuries in many
variations (one of which is Shakespeare’s King Lear), an
elderly king asks his three daughters how much they love
him.
The two older sisters deliver flowery speeches of filial
adoration, but the youngest says only “I love you as meat
loves salt.”
The king, insulted by this homely simile, banishes the
youngest daughter and divides his kingdom between the
older two, who promptly kick him out on his royal heinie.
He seeks refuge in the very house where his third daughter
is working as a scullery maid. Recognizing her father, the
daughter asks the cook to prepare his meal without salt.
The king eats a few tasteless mouthfuls, and then bursts
into tears. “All along,” he cries, “It was my youngest
daughter who really loved me!” The daughter reveals
herself and all ends happily (except in King Lear, where
pretty much everybody dies).
This story survived throughout Europe for a very long time
because it is highly instructive: It reminds listeners that in
matters of love, choosing style over substance is disastrous.
It also helps us know when we’re making that mistake.
Salt is unique in that its taste doesn’t cover up the food it
seasons but enhances whatever flavor was there to begin
with. Real love, real commitment, does the same thing.
Each of the following five statements is the polar opposite
of what most Americans see as loving commitment. But
these are “meat loves salt” commitments, as necessary as
they are unconventional. Only if you and your beloved can
honestly say them to each other is your relationship likely to
thrive.
One
“I can live without you, no problem.”
“I can’t live,” wails the singer, “if living is without you.” It
sounds so tragically deep to say that losing your lover’s
affections would make life unlivable —but have you ever
been in a relationship with someone whose survival truly
seemed to depend on your love?
Someone who sat around waiting for you to make life
bearable, who threatened to commit suicide if you ever
broke up? Or have you found yourself on the grasping side
of the equation, needing your partner the way you need
oxygen?
The emotion that fuels this kind of relationship isn’t love; it’s
desperation. It can feel romantic at first, but over time it
invariably fails to meet either partner’s The statement “I
can’t survive without you” reflects not adult attraction but
infancy, a phase when we really would have died if our
caretakers hadn’t stayed close by, continuously anticipating
our needs.
The hunger for total nurturing usually means we’re in the
middle of a psychological regression, feeling like abandoned
infants who need parenting now, now, now! If this is how
you feel, don’t start dating. Start therapy. Counseling can
teach you how to get your needs met by the only person
responsible for them: you.
The “I can’t live without you” syndrome ends when we learn
to care for ourselves as tenderly and attentively as a good
mother. At that point, we’re ready to form stable, lasting
attachments that can last a lifetime. “I can live without you”
is an assurance that sets the stage for real love.
Two
“My love for you will definitely change.”
Most human beings seem innately averse to change. Once
we’ve established some measure of comfort or stability, we
want to nail it in place so that there’s no possibility of loss.
It’s understandable, then, that the promise “My love for you
will never change” is a hot seller.
Unfortunately, this is another promise that is more likely to
scuttle a relationship than shore it up. The reason is that
everything— and everyone— is constantly changing. We
age, grow, learn, get sick, get well, gain weight, lose weight,
find new interests, and drop old ones. And when two
individuals are constantly in flux, their relationship must be
fluid to survive.
Many people fear that if their love is free to change, it will
vanish. The opposite is true. A love that is allowed to adapt
to new circumstances is virtually indestructible. Infatuation
relaxes into calm companionship, then flares again as we
see new things to love about each other.
In times of trouble and illness, obligation may feel stronger
than attraction— until one day we realize that hanging in
there through troubled times has bonded us more deeply
than ever before. Like running water, changing love finds its
way past obstacles . Freezing it in place makes it fragile,
rigid, and all too likely to shatter.
Three
“You’re not everything I need.”
I’m a big fan of sexual monogamy, but I’m puzzled by lovers
who claim that their romantic partner is the only person
they need in their lives or that time together is the only
activity necessary for emotional fulfillment.
Humans are designed to live in groups, explore ideas, and
constantly learn new skills. Trying to get all this input from
one person is like trying to get a full range of vitamins by
eating only ice cream. When a couple believes “We must
fulfil all of each other’s needs,” each becomes exhausted by
the effort to be all things to the other and neither can
develop fully as an individual.
The hurt partners usually come in sounding something like
this: “How come you have to spend three hours a week
playing tennis (or gardening or painting)? Are you saying I’m
not enough to keep you happy?”
The healthiest response to such questions is “That’s right,
our relationship isn’t enough to make me completely happy
— and if I pretended it were, I’d stunt my soul and poison
my love for you.
Ever thought about what you’d like to do on your own?”
Sacrificing all our individual needs doesn’t strengthen a
relationship. Mutually supporting each other’s personal
growth does.
Four
“I won’t always hold you close.”
There’s a thin line between a romantic statement like “I love
you so much, I want to share my life with you until death do
us part” and the lunatic-fringe anthem “I love you so much
that if you try to leave me, I’ll kill you.”
People who say such things love others the way spiders love
flies; they love to capture them, wrap them in immobilizing
fetters, and drain nourishment out of them at peckish
moments. This is not the kind of love you want. The way you
can tell real love from spider love is simple: Possessiveness
and exploitation involve controlling the loved one, whereas
true love is based on setting the beloved free to make his or
her own choices.
How you use the word make is also a tip-off. When you hear
yourself saying “He makes me feel X” or “He made me do Y,”
you’re playing the victimized, trussed-up fly. Even more
telling are sentences like “I’ve got to make him see that he’s
wrong” or “I’ll hide what I really think because it would make
him angry.” You are not the victim but the crafty spider,
withholding and using manipulation to control your mate’s
feelings and actions.
Either strategy means that someone is being held too close,
wrapped in spider silk. Getting out of this sticky situation is
simple: Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the
truth. Begin by taking responsibility for your own choices—
including the choice to obey the spider man who may have
you in his thrall.
Then communicate your real feelings, needs, and desires to
your partner, without trying to force the reaction you want.
If your relationship can’t thrive in the clear light of honesty,
it is better to get out of it than to sink further into
manipulation and control.
Five
“You and I aren’t one.”
Perhaps you are neither a spider nor a fly but a chameleon
that morphs to match the one you love. Or you may date
chameleons, choosing partners who conform to your
personality. Either way, you’re not in a healthy relationship.
In fact, you’re not in a relationship at all.
I used to tune in so acutely to my loved ones’ wants and
needs that I literally didn’t know my own. This denial of self
ultimately turned into resentment, poisoning several close
relationships. Then— once burned, twice shy— I went
briefly to the opposite extreme.
I found myself having a lot of lackluster lunches with folks
who hung on my every word and agreed with everything I
said. Narcissistic I may be, but Narcissus I’m not; hanging
out with a human looking glass, no matter how flattering,
left me lonely.
If you’re accustomed to disappearing, this will allow you to
see that you can be loved as you really are. If you tend to
dominate, you’ll find out how interesting it is to love an
actual person rather than a human mirror.
Buddha once said that just as we can know the ocean
because it always tastes of salt, we can recognize
enlightenment because it always tastes of freedom. There’s
no essential difference between real love and
enlightenment. While many people see commitment as a
trap, its healthy versions actually free both lovers, bring out
the flavor of their true selves, and build a love that is
satisfying, lasting, and altogether delicious.
BEYOND KSU : Post-UTME Scrap: Institutions Now To Conduct Oral And Essay Screening - Former NUC Boss
A Former Executive Secretary of the National Universities Commission, NUC, Professor Peter Okebukola, has disclosed that the scrapping of Post-UTME means that tertiary institutions will now go back to the agreement NUC had with Vice-Chancellors in 2004 when it introduced Post-UTME which is to screen candidates on oral interview and written essay.
He pointed out that tertiary institutions were not suppose to conduct screening for candidates similar to that of JAMB as that was the part of the agreement guiding the introduction of Post-UTME. He lamented that tertiary institutions have since deviated from that agreement. According to him, admission seekers are supposed to attain minimum cognitive competence in the relevant subjects in the discipline they wished to study; which is the aspect JAMB examination covers and also attain competence in written and oral English, critical thinking and ability to present ideas in logical sequence which is what Post-UTME should be all about.
He pointed out that tertiary institutions were not suppose to conduct screening for candidates similar to that of JAMB as that was the part of the agreement guiding the introduction of Post-UTME. He lamented that tertiary institutions have since deviated from that agreement. According to him, admission seekers are supposed to attain minimum cognitive competence in the relevant subjects in the discipline they wished to study; which is the aspect JAMB examination covers and also attain competence in written and oral English, critical thinking and ability to present ideas in logical sequence which is what Post-UTME should be all about.
BEYOND KSU : UNN Students Embark On A One Week Sit At Home Protest Over Poor Power Supply
Former Executive Secretary of the National Universities Commission, NUC, Professor Peter Okebukola, has disclosed that the scrapping of Post-UTME means that tertiary institutions will now go back to the agreement NUC had with Vice-Chancellors in 2004 when it introduced Post-UTME which is to screen candidates on oral interview and written essay.
He pointed out that tertiary institutions were not suppose to conduct screening for candidates similar to that of JAMB as that was the part of the agreement guiding the introduction of Post-UTME. He lamented that tertiary institutions have since deviated from that agreement. According to him, admission seekers are supposed to attain minimum cognitive competence in the relevant subjects in the discipline they wished to study; which is the aspect JAMB examination covers and also attain competence in written and oral English, critical thinking and ability to present ideas in logical sequence which is whatnd it cannot succeed
without your help. United we stand, divided we fall. From
today onwards our motto is ‘LET THERE BE LIGHT!
He pointed out that tertiary institutions were not suppose to conduct screening for candidates similar to that of JAMB as that was the part of the agreement guiding the introduction of Post-UTME. He lamented that tertiary institutions have since deviated from that agreement. According to him, admission seekers are supposed to attain minimum cognitive competence in the relevant subjects in the discipline they wished to study; which is the aspect JAMB examination covers and also attain competence in written and oral English, critical thinking and ability to present ideas in logical sequence which is whatnd it cannot succeed
without your help. United we stand, divided we fall. From
today onwards our motto is ‘LET THERE BE LIGHT!
SUG PROTEST ACTION SCRAPPED - SUG PRESIDENT
SUG Prsident Philip Shaibu Omepa posted this on his facebook timeline this morning :
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