In my experience, I’ve learned that friendships can
have a natural tendency to go through different
stages. At one moment you’re both super close and
telling each other everything, but then a few years
later, you just chat and see each other once in a great
while.
There are many reasons for these changes in the
friendship dynamic… one getting married while the
other is still single; one taking on a totally different
career path from the other; one having children while
the other has no children and so on.
Even though these
changes can be upsetting
for one or both people, it
is a natural and healthy
change in the friendship.
We are all growing and
evolving as individuals, so
what we may have been
interested in before may
not be what we are
interested in now.
However, putting all of
that aside, there are a few
moments in life where a
breakup with a friend may
be in order. When we find ourselves questioning
whether we need to breakup with a friend, it can be
very difficult decision to make. So, here I have outlined
five signs where it may be time to breakup with your
friend:
1. They’re critical of you. Do they criticize the way you
dress? Do they put you down for not doing something
“perfect”? That being said, do they talk badly about you
to other people?
2. They seem to want to “compete” with you rather
than support. Do they make comments to you that
highlight how they “did that better”? Did they manage
to accomplish something, but then put you down for
not doing the same? Do they try to take up your
interests or hobbies in a way to try to “beat you” in
some way?
3. They’re users. Are they always asking you to do
them a favor? Do they owe you quite a bit of money,
but keep making excuses to not pay you back? Are they
always coming to you looking for help but they are
never there for you when you need help?
4. They try to make moves on your partner — or they
start dating your ex without discussing it with you
first. Actions like this are a reflection of how much
they truly value your friendship.
5. They lie to you — a lot. A few little lies is one thing,
but when there are many, it can really negatively effect
the genuineness of the friendship. If you are the type
of person that values honesty, vulnerability and
creating depth in your relationships then having a
friend that chronically lies isn’t going to support you in
that.
6. They don’t really support you. When you are going
through a difficult time, are they there for you? Do
they provide you with a good listening ear? Do they
support you in your goals? Do they “cheer you on” in
your endeavors and ask you how you’ve been doing?
Finally, ask yourself the following questions: Why am I
friends with this person? What do I gain by being
friends with this person? What do I enjoy when being
friends with this person?
If you can’t really answer those questions and a few or
all of these five signs are true for you, then a legitimate
breakup may be in order.
Ultimately, remember this: Our friendships are a
reflection of who we are. As we are growing and
evolving as human beings, we may realize that some
aspect of ourselves is no longer serving us. As a result,
we may find ourselves needing to let friends go as
well. It may involve creating some distance to give
ourselves space to grow or it may involve needing to
set boundaries for ourselves and “breaking up” with
that friend. Either way, both are a natural aspect to
our growth.
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