Friday, June 10, 2016

KSU Boy and Gal Palava ; 6 (kinda) strange boyfriend behaviors explained

1. He shows his vulnerability.
Many guys think women are looking for the kind of dude
who exudes strength and confidence minus the macho bit.
So that’s the kind of persona he likely tried to cultivate when
he was pursuing you. Once he’s accomplished that, he may
let his softer side emerge. ”Most men want to appear
strong and in control, but behind that facade, they want to
be nurtured,” says Henry Cloud, PhD, author of How to Get
a Date Worth Keeping. So once he feels that love
connection with you, you’re the one he’ll look to when he
needs comforting. If you play your cards right during your
guy’s time of need, he’ll get into the habit of letting down his
emotional guard and opening up to you more often. And
what girl doesn’t want an emotionally available man? So just
listen, try to empathize with him and offer your support.
“By positively reinforcing his vulnerable behavior, you’re
encouraging him to be that way with you,” says Los Angeles-
based psychologist Yvonne Thomas. But beware of the
“mommy” trap. “He wants understanding, not babying,”
says Cloud. And make sure you don’t let these heart-to-
hearts become a one-way street. It’s important for you to
turn to him when you need comforting as well. Says
Thomas: “Being vulnerable with each other can help make
the relationship stronger.”

 2. He takes fights to the finish.
Despite their penchant for body-crushing sports and blood-
and-guts action flicks, guys tend to shy away from
confrontations with chicks. “Many men feel overwhelmed
fighting with their partners,” says Don Ferguson, PhD,
author of Reptiles in Love. ”They are not as comfortable
expressing their emotions as they perceive women to be
and, therefore, try to avoid contentious situations.” So if
your man steps outside his comfort zone to duke it out with
you (verbally, of course), it’s a pretty sure sign that he’s in
this twosome for the long term. “A man who is willing to
stand up to you and assert himself intends to be around
awhile,” says Ferguson. “If he wasn’t that interested, he’d
play the compliant card.” Granted, arguing may not be your
idea of fun, but it can actually bring you and your man
closer. “Couples build intimacy through conflict,” says
Ferguson. “It’s how they deepen their knowledge of each
other.” The trick is knowing how to fight fair. It’s not about
name-calling, blaming or even winning. “When you are
fighting for things that are important and to resolve a
problem, you’ll both end up more satisfied in the
relationship,” says Cloud.
3. He guards his guy habits.
Men are fiercely protective of their buddy time. But when a
guy is in hot pursuit, sex trumps the boys, and he’ll be
available for the woman he’s with pretty much any time she
wants him. That explains why you and your man spent so
much together time early on in the relationship. But once
that love bond is formed, they feel the need to balance out
their social life and reclaim playtime with their buds
again. So it makes sense that once your guy realizes he’s
hooked on you, he’ll try to carve out more male-bonding
opportunities. It doesn’t mean he’s cutting you loose; it’s
just his way of overcompensating for falling so hard. “His
fears about losing his independence may lead to his need to
assert his autonomy so he can prove to himself — and to
you — that love hasn’t taken away his freedom,” says
Deborah Anapol, PhD, author of The Seven Natural Laws of
Love. The best way to deal with these new interruptions in
your 24/7 together time is to give him some slack. Matt,* 31,
can vouch for that. “I really love being with my girlfriend,
Jenny, but when it initially dawned on me that I had been
spending all of my time with her, I kind of freaked,” he
recalls. “My previous girlfriends always gave me a hard time
when I wanted to be with just my friends. But the first time
I decided to go out of town with the guys, she told me she
was glad because it gave her a chance to see her own
friends. Knowing she had plenty going on in her life without
me was a relief.” Jenny’s one smart cookie. By sending the
message that she wasn’t going to crumble without him,
Matt didn’t feel trapped and desperate to get in his guy
time. “It’s important to allow him his space and to take your
own and trust that it will even out,” says Anapol. “The best
thing you can do when your guy pulls back is to take your
attention off him and keep it on yourself.”
4. He stops talking as much.
You already know that guys aren’t big on emoting. So when
you start dating a dude who’s willing to talk to you for hours
on end, sharing all the juicy details of his life, you probably
feel like you’ve snagged a rare gem. That is, until you’re an
actual couple and he adopts a monosyllabic conversation
MO. It’s understandable that you’d feel like he’s shutting
you out, but he’s letting you know (not deliberately) that
he’s content and comfortable with you. “If your formerly
verbal guy becomes close-mouthed, it means that he feels
so relaxed with you, he doesn’t need to impress you
anymore,” explains Thomas. “Once there’s a real
connection, you can be together without talking. It’s a
deeper form of intimacy because you’re being more
genuine with each other.”
5. He wants less sex.
It’s pretty hard to top that high you get during the lust-
fueled beginning of a relationship. So when that inevitably
cools off a bit, it can be soul-crushing. But his downshifted
libido doesn’t necessarily signal that he’s no longer into you.
“A decrease in sex can often mean that a couple is
connecting in other ways, so they’re not as driven by lust,”
says Cloud. It can also mean that he knows there will be
plenty of time for fooling around, so he doesn’t feel
desperate to get it on with you whenever you hit the
sack. That’s what Lucy, 28, discovered. “In the beginning,
Peter and I had tons of amazing sex,” she recalls. “So after a
while, when he’d occasionally spend the night and just go to
sleep, I got worried. One night, when we got home late
from a party and he didn’t want to get it on, I called him on
it. He looked at me like I was crazy, then explained that he
was simply tired — no big deal.” Ironically, less sex may
actually be good for your relationship. “As your partner
grows to care about you more, he starts sharing other parts
of himself, such as his mind and heart, rather than just his
body,” says Thomas. “That’s the difference between lust and
love.”
6. He shows his kinky side.
As you and your guy get closer, you may not be having as
much sex, but you can definitely have much better sex.
Translation: A deeper connection means carnal quality over
quantity. And more creativity. That’s because when your
man feels tight with you, he’ll be more inclined to suggest
some kinkier bedroom activities, because he’s not worried
that you’ll bolt or think he’s a perv. “He trusts you and feels
safe enough to reveal things without worrying about your
judging or rejecting him,” says Thomas. So don’t judge or
reject him when he does bring up some new erotic ideas.
Of course, you don’t have to indulge him either. But be
gentle when you turn him down. Simply saying something
like, “That just doesn’t turn me on” should suffice. Then you
can counter his suggestion with one of your own. It will
help ease any discomfort he might feel about being shot
down, and you will probably get what you want in bed as
well. Even if you don’t turn him down, communicating your
desires will improve your lust life…and boost your bond.
“Sharing and experimenting with each other’s more private
fantasies can be powerfully intimate and strengthen your
relationship,” says Thomas. Hotter sex and a tighter
connection? It doesn’t get much better than that.

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